Finally, some courage to say something about this...
The flash-back...
18th March 2013, probably one of the saddest day in my entire student life. Just so bad, so sad. Never been in such situation, to be frank, and it was just so hard to take it. Hardly believed at what was I holding - my result slip...nearly broke into tears in front of so many people, lucky that I was able to hold it until I reached home...The next two days was totally hell to me, that kind of feeling is far more worse than seeing your crush going out with the other guy...okay, some humour; broke down into tears in front of my family members and I think I freaked them out...It's been so long since I last cried, really cried...This sad moment is really haunting me and I find it hard to get along with it, until...
What was on the mind, at that time?
Disappointment. Dejection. Agony. Frustration. I-NEED-A-SANDBAG.
I can't take it, really, after all those hard work poured in, and this is what I got? Why is the conversion rate so low? Why? Tell me... At that moment, all hopes was gone. The hope of entering my most wanted university was shattered, those prepared admission documents looks so useless, everything was so dead. Was that a dream, no, it's reality.
Where went wrong?
I spent a lot of time thinking, where went wrong? Blamed myself for the lacklustre performance every time this question resurface inside my mind. After so many weeks and months, I think I had something to reply to myself. Perhaps it was because I set my goal too near to the exam date, I'm not sure whether is it valid to make such conclusion, but I think this got something to do with it. I always have this piece of mindset with me, studying is my responsibility, so I just study, having to think that it's just my responsibility, until I realised that I needed a goal to achieve further. Realising this was a bit late...
Of course, they say luck plays a major role when it comes to things like that, but somehow, I just don't wish to consider luck as a contributing factor, it's somehow too discrete, luck can't explain everything. Right?
In short, I should say that I work hard, but not smart. I set goals, but it was not solid enough.
Until...
It was not a easy, picking myself up from that kind of painful experience. I don't wish to repeat how bad is that feeling, but every time I think about it, I just couldn't control myself from feeling dejected. But at least, for now, that kind of feeling is getting better. It was actually a enlightenment from an uncle, apparently a stage-4 nose cancer patient. He is a very healthy living guy, but still got himself diagnosed with such disease. But what he does was not giving up fighting for himself; and I still vividly remembered what he said, 'It's definitely sad to hear for myself, I have cancer? But if I were to stay stationary and do nothing, I won't be here right now with you all.' It came to a point to realise for myself, why are you not moving on? Things won't help if you were to stand there and be sad over the same thing over and over again. For this, I really need to thank this guy, my uncle.
So, what's the plan?
Hmm, honestly, I don't have a plan yet. But what I will do next is, not to expect too much, yea, to work on step by step. While I'm making the past a lesson for myself, I really wished I can fully let go this piece of sorrow when the time comes. I suppose I will be continuing my studies at the far-far-away land, then let it be, I want begin all over again at there. It's a bit sad to admit that, my dreams has been shattered, but I do hope my passion will bring me far, so I can still rebuild my dreams with that.
The off-topic...
Huh, thanks if you're still reading at this point. Well, June is coming to an end! June is not really a month for me, but look at the bright side, it's coming to an end. Haha.
I'm really looking forward for July, a month where I just to want to enjoy myself, reconnect with my friends, hopefully I can get myself a trip to Redang Island, and to stay happy, at least for 31 days?
July, please be kind to me.
Okay, I guess that's it for tonight. Au Revoir.
The flash-back...
18th March 2013, probably one of the saddest day in my entire student life. Just so bad, so sad. Never been in such situation, to be frank, and it was just so hard to take it. Hardly believed at what was I holding - my result slip...nearly broke into tears in front of so many people, lucky that I was able to hold it until I reached home...The next two days was totally hell to me, that kind of feeling is far more worse than seeing your crush going out with the other guy...okay, some humour; broke down into tears in front of my family members and I think I freaked them out...It's been so long since I last cried, really cried...This sad moment is really haunting me and I find it hard to get along with it, until...
What was on the mind, at that time?
Disappointment. Dejection. Agony. Frustration. I-NEED-A-SANDBAG.
I can't take it, really, after all those hard work poured in, and this is what I got? Why is the conversion rate so low? Why? Tell me... At that moment, all hopes was gone. The hope of entering my most wanted university was shattered, those prepared admission documents looks so useless, everything was so dead. Was that a dream, no, it's reality.
Where went wrong?
I spent a lot of time thinking, where went wrong? Blamed myself for the lacklustre performance every time this question resurface inside my mind. After so many weeks and months, I think I had something to reply to myself. Perhaps it was because I set my goal too near to the exam date, I'm not sure whether is it valid to make such conclusion, but I think this got something to do with it. I always have this piece of mindset with me, studying is my responsibility, so I just study, having to think that it's just my responsibility, until I realised that I needed a goal to achieve further. Realising this was a bit late...
Of course, they say luck plays a major role when it comes to things like that, but somehow, I just don't wish to consider luck as a contributing factor, it's somehow too discrete, luck can't explain everything. Right?
In short, I should say that I work hard, but not smart. I set goals, but it was not solid enough.
Until...
It was not a easy, picking myself up from that kind of painful experience. I don't wish to repeat how bad is that feeling, but every time I think about it, I just couldn't control myself from feeling dejected. But at least, for now, that kind of feeling is getting better. It was actually a enlightenment from an uncle, apparently a stage-4 nose cancer patient. He is a very healthy living guy, but still got himself diagnosed with such disease. But what he does was not giving up fighting for himself; and I still vividly remembered what he said, 'It's definitely sad to hear for myself, I have cancer? But if I were to stay stationary and do nothing, I won't be here right now with you all.' It came to a point to realise for myself, why are you not moving on? Things won't help if you were to stand there and be sad over the same thing over and over again. For this, I really need to thank this guy, my uncle.
So, what's the plan?
Hmm, honestly, I don't have a plan yet. But what I will do next is, not to expect too much, yea, to work on step by step. While I'm making the past a lesson for myself, I really wished I can fully let go this piece of sorrow when the time comes. I suppose I will be continuing my studies at the far-far-away land, then let it be, I want begin all over again at there. It's a bit sad to admit that, my dreams has been shattered, but I do hope my passion will bring me far, so I can still rebuild my dreams with that.
The off-topic...
Huh, thanks if you're still reading at this point. Well, June is coming to an end! June is not really a month for me, but look at the bright side, it's coming to an end. Haha.
I'm really looking forward for July, a month where I just to want to enjoy myself, reconnect with my friends, hopefully I can get myself a trip to Redang Island, and to stay happy, at least for 31 days?
July, please be kind to me.
Okay, I guess that's it for tonight. Au Revoir.
