我又在打字了。。。

七月的第四个星期到了

怎么啦？不好吗？

不好，伤心找上门了

没想到，竟然又。。。

当然感觉是很不舒服，还是会有一定的难过

这一个星期也肯定会过得很难

不懂，就是有着这一种预感，好强的预感

每当这时候，心情就会变得复杂

复杂当中却带有思念、有无奈、还有坎坷

怎么会这样？

我都尝试着笑着面对，却很虚伪、也很累

应该是时候收拾这种心情了吧

算了吧、忘了吧，因为这样不值得

又想起自己曾经的付出、想起自己曾经的执着

后来，自己又迷失了自己

原来，什么都不是，什么都没有

对不起，伤心战胜了自己

抱歉 让你们看到了我这一面

No longer working, almost everyday at home, doing nothing.
Walao eh, sipek sien leh
Spent most of the reading, well, that's odd, it only happens when I really have nothing to do.
And I don't know whether this is true or not, when you have nothing to do, you tend to fall ill very easily, like, me...
At least something happened this week, giving me something to write about...

C is for charity.
It was last Sunday, when I took part in a charity event, done some meal packing, met some nice people, and to continue to have faith in humanity. Sounded a bit noble, but it's something I usually practice. Giving back to the society and helping out those in need wasn't really that hard. Feeling kinda great when you see the amount of meals packed kept increasing and honestly, unity is something powerful. In short, what's is charity to me? I would say, It's a responsibility towards the society, an attitude towards life, and a commitment towards myself.
By the way, here is a link of what is all about the charity, Stop Hunger Now

And then...
Suddenly, my days in this island became countable. Yes, I'm leaving my beloved island for my studies, counted some boxes in the calendar, and I have 40 days more at here. It was exciting, but I'm not really prepared yet to face this. 40 days left?!! I spent almost 20 years here and the time has come for me leave this place a little while. Come to think about it, it's really a one in a lifetime experience, to go study at a university so far away from home, to temporarily escape from the city life, and to begin a new chapter for myself. It's a bit cool when you actually needed to take an air plane to reach your new school. How about that?

40 days left
I'm not sure how fast or how slow 40 days will pass. At the meantime, suddenly, you felt you have so many things undone yet. It's subtle...trying to make an happy ending. Regretted for some mistakes made earlier on and I began to doubt whether I have enough time to make amend for that. Sadly to admit, I'm not happy at all since the month began. This shouldn't have happened.

Hoping for the best
The fact is, time is running short, whether I like it or not. Having my fingers crossed that things will get better eventually. I believe good times are about to come but I dare not to expect much.

It will get better.

Dear B,

I spent one night thinking about whether should I say something about this or not, and this is for you.
Nothing really that emotional, but I really hope that we can solve this barrier, rationally.

The past few days was not easy, something went wrong, and it's obvious that you and I can feel that, it was awkward. If I knew it was a joke from the beginning, I really won't risk myself asking that kind of question. Now that I'm hoping I can time travel back, so I won't have to feel so bad and regretting what I have asked. To be frank, I wasn't mad, but disappointed, and it lasted for a few hours that day. The hope was high, and then suddenly, I fell from so tall. That's hurt, and I never expected that to happen.

I tried to consider things from your side, maybe you are on some kind of intention, but I believe you are not. Okay, it's hard for you too, being in that kind of situation, I understand. Maybe is who is going is also making things hard for you to find answer to reply me, I understand. Maybe you're also feeling uneasy for what have you said, I understand. But who am I to you, I hope I understand. What have I done wrong? The barrier is growing and I understand if I don't go do something, I'll regret even more.

Now I know I risking myself again writing all these.
When can we talk again? 1-2 days later? 1-2 weeks later? Or..
I don't wish that to happen.

I don't blame you neither I'm mad at you. I just hope that you can be true to me, that's all I wanted.
Because you're really somebody to me. Can we solve this, please?

Sincerely,
Me.

'Nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the single person you thought would never hurt you.'