The annual routine. Every year after the reunion dinner, I still join my cousins for the firecrackers session. The fun part was having a little cousin brother in the big family. Thankfully, he is the one who is keeping the childhood alive. Seeing him playing those firecrackers was like a reflection of what actually happened during our time. A decade ago, we was once like that. How much do you remember?
Sometimes when you think back, those silly moments will really make you laugh all day. Once upon a time, firecrackers was something 'superpower' to us. Usually, we just placed the firecrackers on the ground and light it up, and when you saw it burning, you run as fast as possible, just to get to the safest spot and covered up both of your ears. That's the play safe way. Few years later, you light it up while holding, waited until it burns to the very end, then you throw. Finally, it exploded! Maybe it was too loud and it triggered the alarm of those vehicles around. What happened next? Either we just act like as if it was not us or one word - RUN ! After some many years, PopPopPow is still among the best. We still chase among each other just to toss it on someone. I don't know whether this happened to anyone of you, but it's certainly something that once happened to me. My cousin brother was trying the unpack those PopPopPow, maybe he used too much force until it spills all over the ground, and while he is trying to avoid it, that moment really made my day. Did that actually happened to anyone who knew what PopPopPow is? Perhaps you are smiling right now, or perhaps, this is also happening during your time, your generation. After all, it's the cacophony of firecrackers that make the icon of Chinese New Year, isn't it?

It happened, I didn't really realise. Food. Have you ever realised when it comes to home cooked food, they are always the same, and you're eating it for almost every year. Honestly, it's just something that I just realised. Haha! I had been helping to prepare for the reunion dinner in the kitchen these recent years and I still dubiously asked the same old question: How much salt arh? How much of this? How much of that? I don't know why the answer will always be: Agak-agak toh ho! How many or how much is agak-agak?... Somehow it just taste fine when you are done with it. Generations to generations...family recipe...it's hard to explain through words and texts, it's like something you would understand if you had also been through that. Yah, you know? Then what else didn't I realise? Normally after dinner, while we began to find our own entertainment, there will a group of people still staying behind at the dinning table, but not having any food this time. Seeping wines, or any other liquors, and you'll be hearing things like somehow just sounded familiar to you. Even you don't go near to listen what are they actually talking about, you can also know what will they be talking. They talked about the economy, politics, and most of the time, they talked about what happened during their time. The elder of the family have been talking on the same topic each year. Soon, you'll hearing one of them laughing, the way he laugh is really hilarious, and then more people started laughing. We? We just joined them and laugh...there was no need for a reason why we laugh, they laughed funnily, and you funnily laughed at them. Simplicity at its best. Perhaps that the way they reminisce their past, their collection of stories, moments.

That was obvious. The fact is, we grew up. The sense of fashion, the pursue towards material seems to develop, still in a healthy way. Everyone just know how to dress up, pretty and smart. How far had we progressed? It used to be Pikachu wallet or a Hello Kitty purse, what are we having now? The list goes on. We used to gamble with coins, at most a riggit note. How big is your bet now? The refrigerator used to supply us with soda pops, beer was never an option to us. Gradually, the ratio of both of them became the same. Finally, beer outnumbered soda pops. The piercing and hair-dying culture became generally accepted. Okay, I realised that. I'm an occasional drinker, I still play poker cards, and I'm just like everyone. Just that I don't pierce and dye my hair and I don't really enjoy gambling, I'll Never Win! Maybe  if I start to win...Haha! Then comes Technology...smartphones and tablets. Ya, they just became part of our life. This is how I observed my generation changed. I still find it acceptable, maybe years later, we'll have more talking points, maybe technology was meant to help us store more precious moment.  Meanwhile, I'm also afraid that, maybe years later, do we still interact the same way? What were we doing back then, when Apple was just a fruit so as Blackberry?

I'm thankful that I'm born in generation where the transition between the old-fashioned and the modern-today takes place. Even there exist a transition, something still remained the same. Grandma's steamboat still taste the same, the culture that I practised remains the same, what I remembered about my childhood never changes and Chinese New Year is still Chinese New Year. And yes, I'm glad to say that: Hey, I'm a Chinese, specifically, a Malaysian Chinese. Once again, Happy Chinese New Year !

From.Then.Now. How much has your generation progressed?

Ever thought of losing?

Ya, maybe that's the thing that is making me worry.

What if hard work never pay off?

What if in the end, you achieve nothing?

Okay, it's about my results that is making me worry.

Getting 6 As in SPM two years ago was a lesson to me, not to say I'm too particular of getting all the A's, but somehow I still find getting 4 B pluses was something painful to me. Man, what if those B+ was actually A- or even better? That was a frustrating moment, I knew I can do better than that. An 'A' will always sounds better than a 'B'...was that really important? At this moment, maybe - Yes.

For the past one and a half year, things was really tough for me. Turned out to be a very different game play. On one side, I'm taking STPM. On the other side, I'm doing my diploma in graphic design. Honestly, STPM was the major concern. Ironically, I'm beginning to fear that I'll be beaten by it.

So how did the whole thing happened? In order to not let history repeat itself, I have been working extra hard for the whole bloody form six. Maybe that was a little bit too exaggerating, maybe the first six months were more like a honeymoon thing. But I still have to admit that I have gave the next 12 months all I have, even my mum asked me whether am I still normal...

I still remember those time when me and my friends were studying together. Their academic performance were excellent throughout the year and I'm lucky to have them as friends. They were really humble guys and I learnt quite a lot with them.

But then...when you realise you are running out of time in covering everything syllabus you should know before the 'big game'. Going through those sleepless nights, you really wanted to have some rest, but you keep telling yourself: Don't Stop! Then came the time you started to get fed-up. You are studying the same whole thing over and over again but still can't be able to understanding what are you studying. Finally, you understood, but it was more like collecting a drop of the ocean, and there is still so many more. Exercises, notes, books began to fill your table, soon the floor, then the whole room. Sometimes, you finally have enough and planned to call it a day, went online, just to find someone to talk to and you realised there is actually no one you can really talk to because it's already so late in the middle of the night. You began to think of things you shouldn't be thinking. Getting emotional. Fell asleep on your study table and having body-aches the next day. Even when you are sleeping, it's the body that was resting, but the mind wasn't. Feel like giving up and just let it be... 

Amid those frustrating and helpless times, sweet moments paid a visit too. Some motivation came in and some self-motivation began to develop. Jason Mraz and his song was a saviour to me during those hard times, I liked his songs very much because they were easy going and those lyrics were really motivating and meaningful to me. L.O.V.E is a four letter word !
On a lucky day, I still received text messages from friends, just like me, fighting for their own dreams. Encouraging and motivating each other, just somehow to ease the tension.

I won't go think about getting a CGPA of 4.0 because I'm nowhere near there. I do hope that I can still obtain a decent CGPA that will allows me to keep chasing my goal. What if history happens itself again?

Whatever it is. Things like that are beyond my control. At least I know, I have gave it everything I got.
Gonna stop thinking for a while and just enjoy the coming Chinese New Year first.
Pheeeeew, feeling better right now.

有多少昨天是为了能圈住今天的一个愿。。。 now playing- 今天

signing off.