A promise to myself

Sometimes it is just so hard to control what's your mind is thinking, the good side of the mind keep reminding me: Don't be like this, please, he is still your friend. The bad side of the mind keep telling me: A friend is someone that will be true to you, trust you like you trust them, and definitely won't hurt you. That as*hole is causing you pain and you still want him as a friend ?!! The bad side of the mind won, and this is how the hatred begins. Maybe it was the respect given was too much...

We are people from different worlds, really really from different worlds. We don't have the same character, we don't have the same perspective towards life, we don't share the same interest, we don't have the same talking point, we don't have the mentality. We are so so different. The only thing that is common between us - we are boys.

I always felt uneasy with his presence, it still hurts and it is painful. Sometimes when emotions run all over me, and the craziest thing I have ever imagined is, I can imagined myself giving him a good solid punch on his face. But luckily, that didn't happened, yet. I know if I continue to hate him, it is really just a matter of time before I do something silly. But the fact is, he still brings pain to me.

I don't tell anyone about what am I facing all these times, except for those close ones. The reason behind this is kinda simple, is because I don't want to create any hard feelings among us, since the circle of friends we are having are almost the same. It is unfair to anyone, and I know I can't be that selfish. Maybe is for this reason, sometimes in some conversations, I just feel bad. I don't blame them for that because I never told them. I remembered once I told a close friend what am I facing, and he told me this: This is normal, after all we are humans, we have feelings and hatred is one of them. I have been through what are you facing now, and I was just like you at that time, maybe worst than you, but, things will be eventually okay, time heals. I knew he had that experience of being in this kind of situation. Ya, he is right, time will heal.
The awkward part is, he is also his friend, so I need to tolerate, I really need to tolerate.

Once,

I hated him because he is not true to me.

I hated him because he is avoiding that conflict between us.

I hated him because of his words.

I'm writing all these is because I have gone through those really depressing moment, and finally I realised that hating doesn't help, it make things worst. I'm sorry that.

I can forgive myself for hating him that much at one moment.

I can forgive him for all those pain he had caused me.

But they say the moment you are gaining, is the moment you are losing. I think I have to agree with that, I gained a precious lesson but I am starting losing a friend. From strangers to friends to foe and to somebody that I used to know.
I won't talk to him, if it is nothing necessary. I won't give a damn about what is he doing. But, I won't hate him, that's a promise to myself.  That's the respect I still have towards him, and a respect to myself. I will still want him as a friend, not so long from now, but definitely not now. I believe time heals.
All I want say is that: Just make sure you do the right thing, good luck, friend...

Never go hate someone because of the pain he brought to you, without him, I can never learn to become stronger.

Let bygones be bygones, we can still be friends one day.

Undo. Undo.